Fellow traveler,
I’m glad to share this week’s edition of The Joy List with you. It includes some links we thought are worth your time.
I hope you find it worthwhile.
With lots of love and joy,
Damola
Worth checking out
> How to turn a toxic conflict into a good one
“With good conflict, you can still get really angry and frustrated—it can be intense and heated—but there’s a feeling that it’s going somewhere. I know this sounds a little squishy, but I have no trouble telling the difference now. In good conflict, there are flashes of curiosity, more questions get asked, and people tend to leave the conflict more satisfied, even if they don’t agree (that’s not actually the only goal of conflict).”
> Embrace the 2-way-door rule to make better and faster decisions
“Some decisions are consequential and irreversible or nearly irreversible -- one-way doors -- and these decisions must be made methodically, carefully, slowly, with great deliberation and consultation. If you walk through and don't like what you see on the other side, you can't get back to where you were before.
But most decisions aren't like that -- they are changeable, reversible -- they're two-way doors. If you've made a suboptimal Type 2 decision, you don't have to live with the consequences for that long. You can reopen the door and go back through.”
> Making sense of ourselves and each other
“Human beings are immensely complicated creatures, living simultaneously in a half dozen different worlds. Each individual is unique and, in a number of respects, unlike all the other members of the species. None of our motives is unmixed, none of our actions can be traced back to a single source and, in any group we care to study, behavior patterns that are observably similar may be the result of many constellations of dissimilar causes.”
“When you find yourself procrastinating today—don’t dig in and fight it. Get up and take a walk to clear your head and reset instead. Cross off a different item on the to-do list. Take notes on the book you just finished. Get started on the research for an upcoming project. Focus on one of the little pieces of a big project. Use it as a productive excuse. Just make a little contribution.”
“It’s not fear that gets in the way of daring leadership; it’s armor. When things get tough, do we lean in to vulnerability and get curious, or do we self-protect in ways that move us away from our values?
Having to be the “knower” or always being right is heavy armor. It’s defensiveness, it’s posturing, and, worst of all, it’s a huge driver of bullshit. It’s also very common—most of us have some degree of knower in us. Unfortunately, needing to know everything is pretty miserable for the knowers and everyone around them. It leads to distrust, bad decisions, and unnecessary, unproductive conflict.”
From Joy, Inc.
> Our guest on #WithChude today was one of the trio in the iconic R&B music group, Plantashun Boiz. This week, Blackface speaks of the hurt, the pain, the the rejection, what he sees as betrayal, and the path he has taken to healing. You can see the preview here or watch the full interview on watch.withchude.com. You can check other interviews, including Kayvee’s interview on watch.withchude.com
> Know someone that needs help or needs someone to talk with? You can connect them with The Joy Hub. Have them call the mental health helpline: 0700-THE-JOY-HUB (0700-843-569-482).
Worth thinking about
“Ask yourself: Why am I seeing and feeling this? How am I growing? What am I learning? Remember: Every coincidence is potentially meaningful. How high your awareness level is determines how much meaning you get from your world.”