Fellow traveler,
I heard about Michaela Coel’s acceptance speech at the Emmys last weekend, and I thought it was so powerful! (It’s the first link below). The core message is simple: don’t be afraid to disappear.
Somehow, it gave credence to my experiment of being away from some social media platforms. I’m glad I found it, and other links I’ll be sharing with you on this edition of The Joy List. We curate this, so you won’t have to.
By the way, this may be the last free version of The Joy List. From next month, The Joy List will be delivered only to paid subscribers of this newsletter. Don’t panic though, you will get a link on how to subscribe during the week.
I look forward to sharing more with you next weekend.
With lots of love and joy,
Damola
Worth checking out
> Don't be afraid to disappear
“Write the tale that scares you, that makes you feel uncertain, that isn't comfortable. I dare you. In a world that entices us to browse through the lives of others to help us better determine how we feel about ourselves, and to in turn feel the need to be constantly visible, for visibility these days seems to somehow equate to success—do not be afraid to disappear. From it. From us. For a while. And see what comes to you in the silence.”
> Lead from heart, not from hurt
“Leading from hurt rather than leading from heart means we are working our shit out on other people. And, because we are not addressing the real driver of our pain, this behavior isn’t an occasional angry slip. Inflicting hurt rather than feeling hurt becomes a habit... Without self-awareness and the ability to manage our emotions, we often unknowingly lead from hurt, not heart. Not only is this a huge energy suck for us and the people around us, it creates distrust, disengagement, and an eggshell culture.”
> Making sense of ourselves and each other
“Human beings are immensely complicated creatures, living simultaneously in a half dozen different worlds. Each individual is unique and, in a number of respects, unlike all the other members of the species. None of our motives is unmixed, none of our actions can be traced back to a single source and, in any group we care to study, behavior patterns that are observably similar may be the result of many constellations of dissimilar causes.”
> What exactly are emotions? Science struggles to define it
"Some researchers now say there are fewer than six basic emotions, and some say there are more (Ekman himself has now scaled up to 21), but the idea remains the same: Emotions are biologically innate, universal to all humans, and displayed through facial expressions...One problem, as many scientists pointed out to me, is that language—particularly the language of emotion—is inconsistent. “If someone says, ‘I’m really anxious to see you,’ what they’re really saying is, ‘I’m eager to see you,’”. “If they’re anxious about seeing you, that means they’re highly disturbed mentally at the prospect of seeing you. The layman uses these words very sloppily.”
> The strength of being misunderstood
While you are thinking of ‘disappearing, it may be wise to “trade being short-term low-status for being long-term high-status, which most people seem unwilling to do. A common way this happens is by eventually being right about an important but deeply non-consensus bet.”
> Isn't this your experience online
Finally, this last link isn’t an article. Rather, it is ironically funny and sad. Does this define your experience online? Maybe it’s time to think about disappearing :).
From Joy, Inc.
> When last did you hear about a bonafide, good old, authenticated, inspiring miracle? Today’s episode of #WithChude unveils one hell of a story. Join Ezinne Kufre-Ekanem as she testifies. You can see the preview here or watch the full interview on watch.withchude.com.
> Know someone that needs help or needs someone to talk with? You can connect them with The Joy Hub. Have them call the mental health helpline: 0700-THE-JOY-HUB (0700-843-569-482).
Worth thinking about
"Almost everyone is screwed up, broken, clingy, scared, and yet designed for joy. Even (or especially) people who seem to have it more or less together are more like the rest of us than you would believe. I try not to compare my insides to their outsides, because this makes me much worse than I already am, and if I get to know them, they turn out to have plenty of irritability and shadow of their own. Besides, those few people who aren’t a mess are probably good for about twenty minutes of dinner conversation.
This is good news, that almost everyone is petty, narcissistic, secretly insecure, and in it for themselves, because a few of the funny ones may actually long to be friends with you and me. They can be real with us, the greatest relief. As we develop love, appreciation, and forgiveness for others over time, we may accidentally develop those things toward ourselves, too." - Anne Lamott